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Thorns (More DH)

Bitter thoughts became your every waking breath
Save the nights your hollow dreams revealed the sweet release of death
In your thoughts you played a symphony of self
But your soul had bled a darker song of close to nothing left

Oh, The deliverance of blade and flame, your love
And greater is the blood

You'll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

Every line a path into an empty heart
Where the words of now forgotten love fall silent in the dark

Sister, don't you sleep through your own eulogy
Don't sever what you are for what you couldn't be

Chillin like a villain

Hey, Constant Readers!  Well the weather here finally warmed back up.  And it even rained last night (well, it sprinkled for like 20 seconds and quit, but the people here were like, "Dude, it's finally raining!"  *Shaking my head*

Well, I don't have much to say--lazy day today (they always are here).

Hope all is well. 


Cold in California

    Again, not much going on here...  This past week it's been unusually cold for California (or so I am told, considering I've never been here before).  Weather should pan out by next week and warm up, or so the weather man says.  Hopefully I'll get some photos up here pretty soon--I just need to figure out how to unload pictures from my camera--although I am curiously ignorant when it comes to gadgets, I actually don't have a card reader that I can use at the moment. 

     Anyhow, hope all is peachy and that everyone is nice and warm, cuddled up under a blankie, with full bellies, and peace, and love, and good happiness stuff.  Don't be cuddling with my wife, though, or I'll kill you dead. 

Bloggity Blog Blog

OMG I have found the coolest thing.  Giant Smarties.  Maybe I don't get around much, but I've never seen them out in Indiana... 

Okay, so I'm fishing here...

Not much else going on, hear it's freezing in Indiana.  Hope all is well with...  Um...  All... 

ahhhhhhhhhh.......  .....insomnia..... ....sucking.... ....brain...

l8r suckerz!


Fade Away

It's in this wake that I find myself
Losing the will to resume this hell
When every breath is a dying wish
It's harder to follow the point of this

This broken place that I call my home
Is deep in the sorrow that I have sown
And I can't erase what is in my heart
I wanted to finish before it starts

My own solution in discretion again
Our false solution is devoured in dread
Our own solution giving rein to its head?
and open my face to the darkened sky

I've been fading away
I've been waiting for a call to reach my veins
Ready or not
No attention to waste
Every sorrow of the soul will reap my name
When I cease to exist

Now I've come to a final sleep
I pray that forgiveness is mine to keep
I know it's hard to forgive this man
Driving the failure into your hands

When I cease to exist


Sorry for the long time away--still alive so all bets are off...  As some of you know, I'm in Orange County.  I got a job opportunity today that is super awesome--I'll be head IT guy for a large global corporation that manufactures aerospace parts if I get the job--they interviewed me on the phone and I'm hoping to score a face-to-face so keep me in thoughts and prayers.  I'll keep y'all updated...



It's been over a month since I've posted.  I've probably lost the four readers that I had.  *SIGH*



I was beginning to wonder if she hadn't finally given up the ghost; committed suicide from the sheer boredom.  This could, however, merely be a trick of the illness, the drink, and the lack of sleep. 

Will investigate further.


Walking away...

My birthday came and went with little fanfare. My body is becoming like a well-used car. The mileage is getting a little higher, the engine is running (more or less), and a few of the bearings and joints are wearing out.
You know, I guess we never truly stop learning in life. The thing about that statement, the thing that really frightens me, is what it is we choose to learn, how we choose to assimilate that information, and what we do with it (if anything). We are faced with shortcomings; mountains that need to be overcome. We learn to live with our shortcomings, at times, to adapt and see them as challenges, and to eventually overcome them. We learn to climb the mountains (or not). We begin to recognize that we have blind spots. We start to see which friends are real, which ones are fake... We take comfort in those things we choose to tell ourselves, and we attempt to paint an image of consistency in a world of chaos. There are those of us who embrace the chaos. Some of us are crazy. Some of us are strong... And the truth of it is that some of us are probably a bit of both. A landscape slowly emerges through all this, a bubble that shows us what it is we choose to see. We create this bubble, this self image of perception, of being, which we use in an attempt to tell us who we are, who we want to be, and often to tell us what we want to hear. Once we've created our little bubble, we venture out into the world. Sometimes we touch bubbles with others who may have struck a fancy with us, others who either choose to see us as we choose to see ourselves, and still others who choose to see us as we truly are (and still, they manage to love us). We avoid those who see in us a picture of boredom, of disgust, or of ugliness in its purest form. Much of what we do is a nonsensical attempt (some have it well planned, however) to paint a picture of ourselves. A picture that we like. A picture that means something. A picture that fades away into obscurity when we die. We all do this to varying degrees. I think the industry word for it is self image. And the world has twisted what this term should mean in a terrible way. People with fancy titles and German names get to tell us what it is we're feeling and why we feel it. Does any of this make sense? Sometimes the path into my train of thought is fraught with twisted logic, nonsense, and leaps of faith. I hope this makes sense to you. Because it makes perfect sense to me.
What are we really, anyhow? Are we composed of our thoughts, our experiences (both good and bad), and our self-perceptions? Do we glimpse the world, ourselves, or others outside of our bubble? Or does the bubble make everything blurry and hard to see? What are we, really? Are we just a bunch of thoughts and memories all jumbled together or are we something more? Do we pull aside the layers of fuzziness, the behaviors and tendencies that affect our behavior, in order to find clarity, a chance to find out who we really are? Probably it's the latter, or it should be the latter. Many of us, however, pile on the fuzzies. Some of us intentionally blur things (everything looks better when it's fuzzy, I hear). We live in a world of materialism, of money, cars, and clothing, a world that pushes us to add layer after layer to our bubble, a society that encourages us to try and affect who we are by teaching and enabling us to add outside crap--everything from shoes to cappuccinos. We really are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world. We sing, we dance, we decorate ourselves in crap; all in an attempt to stand out and blend in all at the same time. We spend our entire lives trying to figure out who we are when 'who we are' is right here, right now. I am me. You are you. We are not who we try to be, we are not who pretend to be, we're not even what we wish we could be. We're not monsters, we're not angels, we're not what we think we are.
We just Are.
Truly there is beauty in nothingness.


Nothing much

My life is approaching normalcy... What a blessing, you fools don't even know what it is you have...  I hope all is going well for those that mean something to me.  Sorry I'm scarce...  Apparently I'm a commodity these days.  Life is status quo, and I couldn't ask for anything more....